Over 750 deviations I have yet to view.... jeebus. -glances around- I think I'll just say I looked at them all... -delete-

Too bad, I'm sure there was some good art in there.

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So yeah. I haven't written a new journal in well over six months now. Haven't felt like it for two reasons: one. It seems so dreary that it isn't even worth mentioning, or two. When it is worth mentioning, I'm too busy and forget to do it later. That and who's reading this anyway.. >.>

So a lots gone on, but a lot I can't remember right now. Kinda tired and just bored into lifelessness. Kind of a mental atrophy, if you will. I haven't used my noggin to write anything in so long I've almost forgotten how to do it, or that I could. But meh. Last month (I think it was last month) my best friend since seventh grade got his first girlfriend, and that was good. Warmed my heart to see him finally genuinely happy after all these years. I wonder if I have something like that waiting for me, or if I've already passed that up somewhere. I feel pretty damn dead socially right now. Then again, when has that ever been otherwise.

It bummed me out equally when she broke up with him a few weeks later, it might've been a whole month that it lasted, for some other guy. Whether he knows that or not I don't know and I don't think I want to, what matters is that he didn't tell me himself so I'm not supposed to know, and I won't for his sake. It was his first crush after all. I'll let him savor it.

I stayed in my hometown for three weeks playing catch up with everyone after four years of being gone. It was nice. Not everything I remember, but nice. Everybody's doing more or less good. Some more, some less. Some are sitting on the fence, side by side, declaring war amongst themselves. I feel like one of them right now. I've got a lot of decisions I need to make that I've put off for too long now, and I know it'll catch up to me eventually. It's just a matter of time until the world catches up with me too.

It's been nice growing up, though I know for a fact I didn't live my teen years to their fullest. All that time I spent behind a computer screen, behind a book, behind a sketch pad, a school desk, in the back yard or walking around town upset with my life, I could've been making more of it. Maybe I'll learn, though knowing me..

I'd rather not think about it. Whatever happens, happens.

I know. I'm using this exactly as its described: a journal. Everyone else just uses it as a damn update/poll board. Why I decided that I'd write here is beyond me. Why I even decided to get on dA just now is beyond me, I haven't touched this place in so long. But yeah. It feels good to write again and get some of that out.